Here is the start of my January bead journal page. I begin with a very personal piece of myself, a looming ghost of a memory that exists from before I even had a vocabulary. This has been buried in my psyche all these years and living stubbornly nestled in my soul, annoyingly comfortable, a persistent shadow. It made sense several years ago at age 45 when my mother decided to tell me a story. A really tragic story. I cried for a week. It was like the missing puzzle piece snapped into place and I could finally see and make sense of the ethereal feelings I had been carrying with me all my life. I will share it later when (and even if) I finish. Who knows. It might be getting too heavy for my mood this winter... ...awww, it's not too much. It is bittersweet, and real, and it is mine. When I pay attention things reveal themselves.
This piece is about the legacy of sorrow my father left me, and how that sorrow has transformed into compassion.
I focus on this not at all in woe is me or self-pity or wallowing. I prefer to see it as awake, a humble visionary searching for... and finding... compassion... and not even searching but rather being, in my reality, in my story, my truth...
Speaking of awake, ha! I have been up for over 24 hours (15 hours at work) and I am so outta here. The hospital where I work has been washed away in a wonderfully hot shower and I am ready for bed in the middle of the day.
wow. Intense, can't wait to see how it looks when you are finished beading.
ReplyDeleteHugs.
I hear your awakened, compassionate, truthful state of being and I can see it already in your piece. This is brave and substantial work, Lisa... I know you'll be moving forward in your life less burdened after finishing this piece.
ReplyDeleteRobin A.
Lisa, my first page last year was about indecision..will I reveal my inner thoughts to the world, or continue to hide and show only what I want to. As I moved through the year I let much escape into the universe and I feel freer. Perhaps you will find the serenity here that I did.
ReplyDeleteCarol
It's looking very nice so far. You can get a lot of detail here. I can't wait to see the finished piece.
ReplyDeleteIt looks great so far, Lisa. I was able to channel a lot of my negative feelings into my pages the first year of BJP. It helped a lot.
ReplyDeleteArline
I feel grateful for your attention and support. I wasn't sure I wanted to post "the process" but just dove in anyway. There is something about just putting it out there that is affirming and bold. I am sure some months will be full of just silliness and light whimsy, ...I hope? Chuckle. Thanks gals!
ReplyDeleteThis is going to be beautiful.
ReplyDeleteI tried commenting last night and don't know what happened to it. At any rate, I find your work in progress very powerful, and feel every word of your sincere post as I view it. Lovely.
ReplyDeleteVery intense, but a cathartic way to work through your emotions. Thanks for sharing your process!
ReplyDeleteHi Lisa,
ReplyDeleteI'm a strong believer in the healing properties of art ... it's such a safe way to seek, speak and own your truth. Also, I love the honesty and strength you use to describe your piece.
Look forward to seeing your journal grow!
~Andrea
Strong and powerful start to the new year! You will be amazed at the person you have become when you look back on all this! Take each step as it comes and breathe through it, no such thing as too dark, too sorrowful, too intense, its all just experience and its universal. Peace T!
ReplyDeletewow thx Terri. Thx everyone.
ReplyDeleteWow!! This is going to be so beautiful.Very impressive start.
ReplyDeleteI too use my beading to help me cope with problems from past, present & future. I hope this month's "journey" will give you some peace.
ReplyDeletedot
This will be a powerful and beautiful piece.
ReplyDeleteMarty S
Crackpot Beader
Thank you everyone for all of the kind attention. Back in January I got off to a good start but then became engulfed in moving and finding a better job and then friends visiting. I have every intention of joining back up with you on these monthly journal projects. You guys are such a supportive cohesive online group with a loyalty to each other that is hard to find. Thank you.
ReplyDeletewho are you?
ReplyDelete